Are you voting democrat or republican?

I'm voting Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.  I'm voting Republican because I own a gun, and to increase local taxes in order to put more cops in my neighborhood, or to give those cops a decent salary is unnecessary.  I can do it myself!

I'm voting Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse.  I'm voting republican because homosexuality is a choice people make, and a poor one at that, and THOSE people do not deserve the benefits befit a God-abiding couple.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.  I voting republican because, even though gas taxes pay for the roads I drive on, I don't believe it is something I should have to shell out for, I would rather my money go into the pockets of Corporate oil, so they can provide me with cheaper transportation on the roads I don't want to pay for.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.  I'm voting republican, because my government will do a better job of spending AIG's money than they ever could.

I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.  I'm voting republican, because offending people is a right I believe everybody should practice.

I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq, I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.  I'm voting republican, because without a war-machine spending my money on a war sold to me on false pretense, our economy would REALLY be in the shitter (besides, those damn middle easterners will really appreciate democracy if we could just force them to accept it already!).

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.  I'm voting republican, because even if there is a good chance global warming is real and it has the potential to eliminate civization as we know it, there's still a small chance that it isn't real, and damn if I'm going to give up my lifestyle because NASA says we're screwed.

 

I'm voting Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.  I'm voting republican, because it is easier, though less cost effective, to put our tax money into prisons and prisoners (not to mention the cost to society in the form of crimes and drugs) than to put it towards helping underprivilaged kids get out of the cycle of poverty and crime.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.  I'm voting republican, because its hard to argue that deregulation could one day lead to economic collapse, besides, corporate America follows moral and ethical practices I believe in.  You honestly believe it is just about the money?! 

I'm voting Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would NEVER get their agendas past the voters.  I'm voting republican, because I believe the constitution is just a goddamn piece of paper, besides, rules are made to be broken!

I'm voting Republican because my head is so firmly planted up my @#% it's unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

'A Liberal is a person who will sacrifice what is necessary for the common good'
- William F. Carling -